The concept of marriage appears to be rapidly falling out of style. In fact, there are some in Western culture who call it an entirely antiquated idea, perhaps claiming that it is far too big and unnecessary a commitment or that they do not need a state-approved piece of paper to “validate” their love.
In relationships and dating, marriage has become only one of many potential outcomes/paths to take as opposed to the end-destination. Culture has vastly underemphasized its beauty and necessity.
We would do well to remember that marriage is not a state-created institution; it was created and blessed by God, and it is a vital part of his plan for the thriving and abundance of not only men and women but society as a whole.
Two key passages will rest at the foundation for our discussion today.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Genesis 2:18, 20-24
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Genesis 1:27-28
In these two passages, we receive the outline of God’s plan for male/female relationships and the building of human society. We should not take this lightly, as he has given us the building blocks for human flourishing. Whether a society follows the biblical model for marriage is one of the greatest indicators of its long-term health. God knows what he’s doing.
It’s Better for Kids
In the first few pages of the Bible, God makes it clear that a marriage is to consist of one man and one woman in a union of love and commitment. This is the model for an intimate relationship, and consequently, it is the model for raising children. As they grow up, a child needs both the steady guidance and protection of their father and the nurturing love and comfort of their mother. This is by design.
Unfortunately, the percentage of children living in single-parent households (and these are overwhelmingly single-mother households in particular) is around twenty-one. The data trends seem to indicate this will only rise, if anything, as premarital sex and abuse appear to be increasing within relationships.
Furthermore, children in single-parent households are much more likely to be impoverished and food-insecure. Boys without a father are much more likely to enter into a life of crime. One could say there is no greater predictor of childhood stability than having a married mother and father who live together. If more and more households are not adhering to this practice, however, and failure to do so often ushers in poverty and dysfunction, then we can expect to see more poverty and dysfunction within larger society, as the financial and emotional stability a married household affords to children may be seen as the antidote to this.
Kids who grow up in two-parent families perform better socially, academically, and vocationally. This puts them at a major advantage when compared to children from unmarried households because social, academic, and career performance are three pivotal factors in living a successful, functional life.
This is sobering news, but it is not surprising. When it comes to the abundance of any given society, God has made it clear the backbone of that is supposed to be married men and women being fruitful and multiplying. When we deviate from this, we can expect any number of disastrous results.
It Helps Ensure Financial Stability
We previously talked about poverty, and this section continues the discussion. The writer of this article is by no means claiming marriage will solve all your money problems, and indeed, money troubles/disagreements are up there at the top of the list of reasons couples get divorced.
However, there is no denying the obvious financial benefit of joining two bank accounts together. Suddenly, the household has two incomes instead of one! The man and wife are both, if the marriage is healthy, working together to make investments for the future of the family, paying debts, and building a life together. This is no small thing, and it can effectively stave off poverty, from a small-scale perspective, in your family, and on a large-scale perspective, within society.
It Allows for Longstanding Love and Loyalty
If there is, as we see in Western culture, a dramatic decrease in marriage relationships, then we have some rather disturbing implications with which we must contend.
Think for a moment on the definition of biblical marriage. Marriage is a covenantal relationship made before God between one man and one woman to cleave together in a lifelong, exclusive relationship of love and loyalty. It is meant to symbolize Christ’s love and devotion to his bride the Church.
If culture is, by and large, steering clear of the institution of marriage, or at least viewing it as a non-necessity, then what it is really doing is rejecting the idea of lifelong commitment, love, and loyalty to one person.
This is reflective in how our culture currently treats the idea of relationships and love. Everything is very casual, not at all how God intended things to be. “Hookup culture” is dominant, with people searching more for a temporary good time than a life partner. Even romantic partners are less and less viewed with the intentions of permanent companionship; people become infatuated with one another, live together for a time, and then separate to find someone else. The idea of traversing the ups and downs of life with one person, supporting and loving them through thick and thin is not as prominent. After all, why stick with one person when there are so many options—so many sexual opportunities?
This diminishes the love and intimacy men and women experience with each other. When people view their relationships as temporary or expendable, then that is simply the natural result. People will have less happy and fulfilling relationships.
Moreover, people are not guaranteed as strong a support system as they grow older and inevitably experience the tragedies that come with life. If there is not one consistent loving partner with you to weather the storms, life becomes significantly more difficult. Does that role have to be filled by a spouse? No, but it is best filled by a spouse—someone who has pledged their fidelity to you and only you, who is closest to you and knows you better than anyone else.
What Now?
- Appreciate the Marriage Structure
God doesn’t set things up the way he does for arbitrary or nonsensical reasons. He is intentional in his design, and we see this in his design for marriage. He knows the optimal setting in which to raise a child, to experience love, and to grow old with another person.
This is why, as you navigate life through a world whose view of relationships has become so cynical and consumeristic, we need to look past that fog and see the beauty of the biblical marriage structure. Its complimentary nature is a wonderful reflection of the differences between men and women and the ingenuity of our Creator.
Does appreciating the marriage structure mean everyone must get married? Not at all. In fact, God has called some to a life of singleness and celibacy, and that is just as valid a route to take as marriage. For most people, however, it is good to marry.
2. Pursue Biblical Marriage
Hold your horses for a moment. I am not advocating that you rush into the marriage with the first person who goes on three dates with you. That is foolishness. Marriage is a commitment, and it is a serious one.
What I am saying, though, is that if you choose to pursue a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, your end-goal should be marriage. That should be the reason you are searching for a partner. There is no point in dating or courtship if neither person plans to marry. Dating is a fun and joyous time, but it is also a vehicle to something far greater: a lifelong covenant of love with your spouse. If you do not agree with where the vehicle is taking you, then get off at the next stop.
Should you choose to pursue marriage, there is no need to feel embarrassed or strange about it. You are pursuing a good thing. Healthy, committed marriage relationships between men and women are the bedrock of a healthy society. Keep prayerfully searching for who God has in store for you, but never let that distract you from serving your King!