Some boys on a school playground were bragging. A boy named Johnny said, “My dad has a list of all the men he can beat up—and all your dads are on his list!” Later that afternoon a knock came on Johnny’s house and his dad answered the door. A big angry man said, “Are you Johnny’s dad?” He said, “I am.” “Well Johnny told my son that you have a list of men you think you can beat up, and my name is on it.” Johnny’s dad said, “That’s right.” The big guy started rolling up his sleeves and said, “Well, I don’t think you can beat me up.  What are you going to do about it?” Johnny’s dad said, “I’ll mark you off my list.”

Jesus makes a big claim in John 14:6:

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.“

In this article, we want to see how Jesus backed up this claim. Further, we want to look at the objections people make that this assertion leads to bigotry and intolerance. Rather, the case will be made that Jesus’ pronouncement is foundational for universal love and tolerance. It is a claim which establishes worth, dignity and redemption for all, none excluded. Let’s look at the heart of the Savior’s claim and respond to three challenging questions regarding it.

Jesus’ Big Claim

On the night before Jesus went to the cross, he spoke these words to his closest friends:  

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 

John 14:1

The disciples were overwhelmed with troubled hearts.  The Savior had just dropped several emotional bombshells on them.

• He had just revealed that he was going to be betrayed by one of the Twelve, Judas.
• He also told them that Simon Peter, regarded as the ringleader of the disciples, would deny him.
• He gave the worst possible news of all: he was going to leave them.

Even after three years of being with Jesus, they did not understand that he came to this earth with the express purpose of going to the cross, dying for the sins of the world and then rising from the dead. They thought he was going to establish an earthly empire which would overthrow the Roman Empire. When the unfolding of events turned out radically different, it caused the twelve unimaginable grief and confusion. For Jesus to command the disciples not to have troubled hearts was a VERY BIG ASK. Yet, Jesus said that it was possible for them not give way to troubling grief because they could believe in God and believe in him. (Jesus makes belief in him equal to belief in God.) Jesus gave several credentials as to why he could be trusted. Look at each of these statements:

• “I am going there [heaven] to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2)
• “No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6)
• “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9)
• “I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me” (John 14:10)
• “I am going to the Father” (John 14:12)

These are ALL very big claims. It is important to keep in mind that as Jesus speaks these words, similar scenes of messianic liberators had been played out repeatedly over the last hundred years in Palestine. The Jewish people were desperate for an emancipator from the Roman oppression. For instance, historians Josephus and Tacitus record a charismatic leader, Simon of Perea, who convinced a large group of Jews that he was the new King of the Jews and God’s messiah. He led a revolt which caused a lot of material destruction. Roman authorities received word of what Simon was doing and dispatched a military unit to capture him, and he ended up beheaded. Another would-be messiah Josephus documents Anthronges who raised a band of guerillas and created chaos throughout Palestine. He and two thousand of his followers were crucified. In the book of Acts, when the Jewish leaders discuss what to do with the apostles, a leader by the name of Gamaliel urges caution from rash action, citing that these messianic flare ups had been occurring and always died out. (Acts 5:34-39)

So, when Jesus was arrested, convicted, executed and buried, what do you think his followers thought? They thought they were following another wrong guy, no different than the others. Jesus was as sincere but as deluded as the many who came before him. They hid in fear for their lives because of their association with this “criminal” Jesus. But something remarkable happened. The same people who watched Jesus die in apparent abject failure began to risk everything to proclaim him to be the promised messiah. How did they go from the place of cowering in total fear to unstoppable boldness? The tomb of Jesus was empty, and they had seen him, talked with him, touched him, and ate with him after his resurrection.

For this reason Jesus commanded his followers to “not let your hearts be troubled.” He knew who he was and what he came to do and what the outcome would be. He went on to say:

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” 

John 14:2-6

Though this is an astonishing claim that Jesus is “the way and the truth and the life,” the claim Jesus makes offers the ground of hope and worth to all of humanity. Embedded in this pronouncement is the reality that we all have acceptance with God no matter who we are, what we have done or where we have come from. There is no obstacle to our acceptance with God except our own unwillingness to be accepted. Race is not an issue. Social status has no importance. Ability is irrelevant. Further, no matter how sinful your past or unworthiness in the present, the offer is just as freely open. A criminal record, social shame, labels which have brought inferiority, actions committed by you or committed against you are rendered powerless against the claim of Jesus: “I am the way and the truth and the life.” The offering to be in a relationship with God is universal; it is open to anyone without restriction. One need only to accept by faith the gift that Jesus Christ offers.

Tough Questions?

Why does Jesus ALONE offer salvation?

If sin is the problem, then Jesus is the unique solution. Any adequate solution must solve the problem that needs to be solved, and singular problems need singular solutions. Some antidotes are one-of-a-kind cures for one-of- kind ailments. Sometimes only one medicine will do the job, as much as we may like it be otherwise. For example:

• Increasing the air pressure in your tires will not fix an oil leak.
• Aspirin will not dissolve a tumor.
• Cutting up credit cards will not wipe out debt that is owed.
• If your water pipes are leaking, you call a plumber, not an oncologist. 
• The flu vaccine will not cure Covid-19. 

I cannot fix my sinful heart. The only solution is offered through the cross and resurrection of Jesus. Other religions do not offer this.

• In Buddhism, you save yourself by ceasing all desire.
• In Hinduism, you save yourself by detaching from your separated ego and living in unity with the Universe.
• In Islam, you save yourself by living a life of good deeds.
• In Confucianism, you save yourself through education, reflection, self-cultivation, and moral living.     
• In Orthodox Judaism, you save yourself through repentance and prayer and by working hard to obey God’s laws and being a good person.   
• In the New Age, you save yourself through seeing yourself as part of the divine oneness and seeking to live in harmony as part of the One.

Isn’t sincerity of our faith and belief enough, no matter what we believe?

The fact is that the object of your faith is more important than the sincerity of your faith.  As we reflect on the story above (John 14), from the disciples’ point of view, things were falling apart.  They were barely holding on with their faith. From Jesus’ point of view, everything was falling into place. What was vital for the disciples was the object (Jesus) of their faith as opposed to looking at the sincerity of their faith. When you step outside of the spiritual world, can you think of any scenario where sincerity of belief is of greater value than the object which is believed? I would rather have weak faith in a competent surgeon than strong faith in a quack. It would be better to invest your money in a company that you don’t have high expectations for growth but grows rather than contribute money to a company you feel has a lot of promise but actually tanks in value. It would be better to have shaky faith walking across a sturdy bridge than feel great confidence walking across one whose structure is decaying and vulnerable. This would especially be the case with the matter of where one will spend their eternal life.

Doesn’t this claim of Jesus being the only Savior lead to bigotry?

Truth claims by their very nature are exclusive. To claim that something is true means that its competing claim is not. This is not bigotry. Jesus is not the only one who made truth claims. Muslims assert that Judaism and Christianity are corruptions of the prophets of the Old Testament and the teachings and life of Jesus. They believe Jesus was raised to heaven without death on a cross. This is a counter claim. They hold that the Koran is the only complete and true revelation of God (Allah). In addition, they insist that any translation of the Koran desacralizes it. The only true picture of the Koran can be seen in its original Arabic language. It’s not just a basic understanding of Arabic but a sophisticated knowledge of the language.

Buddhism was born when Gautama Buddha rejected two fundamental beliefs of Hinduism-the ultimate authority of the Vedas (Hindu scriptures), and the caste system which enshrines social stratification (wealthy and poor) among its adherents. Even with this truth challenge, Hinduism remains very uncompromising on its caste system. Sikhism came as a challenge to both Hinduism and Buddhism.

Then there are the atheists who reject the viewpoints of anyone who believes in God, some claiming that all religion poisons society. These are all very different belief systems which lead to very different outcomes. They all hold to truth claims which are either correct or incorrect.

Christianity insists in the strongest way possible that everyone be given full love, dignity and human rights. Jesus wants us to love our Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and atheist’s neighbors. The gospel is against any form of bigotry which marginalizes or hurts others because of beliefs based on narrow-minded preferences. This is wrong! But thanks be to God those who follow Jesus are liberated from this! Christ’s claim should not lead to pride but humility and service to others.

Conclusion

Toyoika Gagauya, a great Japanese leader of a couple of generations ago tells the story of his conversion to Christ:

I am grateful for Shinto, Buddhism, Confucianism.  I owe much to these faiths.  Yet they could not meet me at the moment of my heart’s deepest needs.  I was a pilgrim journeying on a road that had no turning. I was weary.  I was footsore.  I wandered through a dark and dismal world where tragedies were thick.  Buddhism teaches great compassion.  But since the beginning of time who has ever said this is the blood of the covenant which is poured out for the forgiveness of sins.

If sin and guilt is the problem then Christ is the solution which is freely open to everyone.  In fact, through trust in Jesus the broken pieces can be turned into masterpieces.

 

 

 

A police officer pulled a driver aside and asked for his license and registration. “What’s wrong, officer,” the driver asked. “I didn’t go through any red lights, and I certainly wasn’t speeding.” “No, you weren’t,” said the officer, “but I saw you waving your fist as you swerved around the lady driving in the left lane, and I further observed your flushed and angry face as you shouted at the driver of the Toyota Camry who cut you off, and how you pounded your steering wheel when the traffic came to a stop near the bridge.” “Is that a crime, officer?” “No, but when I saw the ‘Jesus loves you and so do I’ bumper sticker on the car, I figured this car had to be stolen.”

Unfortunately, one obstacle for some to the acceptance of Christianity is provided by Christians themselves (or those who claim to be Christian). It goes like this, “How can I believe Christianity if the church is full of hypocrites?” In other words, if Christianity is really supposed to change people for the better, then why do people who profess to believe in Jesus live so counter to what they claim?

This article will answer the hypocrisy objection to Christianity. But first, let’s explore the definition of hypocrisy and then provide three answers to the question.

What’s a Hypocrite?

Hypocrisy has been described as “the gap between public persona and private character.” The hypocrite is the person who uses the veneer of public virtue to cover their private vice. Jesus reserved his harshest words for the hypocrites of his own day:

You’re nothing but show-offs. You’re like tombs that have been whitewashed. On the outside they are beautiful, but inside they are full of bones and filth.

Matthew 23:27

The sin of hypocrisy is not being more messed up than we appear. The hypocrite is not the Christian who struggles against sin, fails and yet keeps striving to do what is right. The sin of hypocrisy is in using the appearance of goodness for self-promotion. It is when you think that what others think matters a great deal more than whom God knows you to be. From the hypocrite will not come the selfless devotion to discipleship or a life of surrender to mission for the sake of others. There will be a “churchianity” to impress others rather than true Christianity which lives fully to God.

Jesus railed against it:

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

With these sharp words, Jesus causes his listeners to carefully examine their own lives. It is not that his true followers will not have their own faults or even greater faults, at times, than others. The issue is whether we will confront our own faults before we confront those of others. If we are unwilling to confront our own errors, and we seek to confront others, we are hypocrites.

Answering Christian Hypocrisy

Jesus was clearly against this hypocrisy. How, then, do we answer the charge? Let’s look at three ways.

Number 1: A concept like hypocrisy requires a standard of morality with which a person agrees but willfully and consistently chooses not to behave. Christ lived that standard out perfectly. At the end of his life he challenged those who had lived with him night and day, for over three years, to point out any hypocrisy in him.

Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? 

John 8:46

They were silent because there was none. Since Christianity depends on Jesus, it is incorrect to try to invalidate the Christian faith by pointing to the bad behaviors of Jesus’ followers. Because some of Jesus self-proclaimed followers flaunt the moral standard does not invalidate the moral standard. We’ve all heard of medical quacks, but we’ve not stopped going to the doctor. Because there are bad practitioners of medicine does not invalidate the medical sciences or it benefits. If beef or chicken gets contaminated with E coli people do not give up McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken, altogether? There have been traitors to our country, but we are not going to leave the country because of them. Christianity does not stand or fall on the way Christians have acted throughout history or are acting today. Christianity stands or falls on the person of Jesus.

Yet, some have been hurt by hypocrites in the church. This is where it becomes very personal. As sensitive as we should be to those hurts, it does not invalidate the claims or truths of the Christian faith. When we go to the doctor’s office, for example, whether or not the doctor has a kind bedside manner does not change the facts of the test results that he shares or the medicine he prescribes. His accurate analysis and prescription does not excuse bad bedside manners, but neither does his bad behavior invalidate his evaluation and report.

Number 2: A distinction needs to be made between Christians who are struggling in areas of maturity and consistency and Christians who are outright hypocrites. No less a person than the apostle Paul confessed his struggle to live up to what he knew to be true:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 

Romans 7:15-18

Christianity isn’t about pretending to be good or even proclaiming to be better than others. The apostle John teaches we need to be open about our imperfections and confess them:

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:8-10

Jesus says he didn’t come for people who have everything sorted out; he came for people that are messed up. Addressing the brokenness of people because of sin, he declared,

It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.

Mark 2:17

In an age of tolerance and acceptance, the message of Christianity truly does offer acceptance for people who have many imperfections and short comings while providing a path to overcome them. God loves us where we are at, but he loves us enough not to keep us there. The difference between the normal Christian who struggles and the hypocrite is one of honesty and continued work to change and improve by the power of God’s love. The Bible is filled with men and women who often failed but found growth through their failures. They are examples of God’s continued love.

Number 3: When people say the church is “full” of hypocrites, they are in most cases referring to a very small percentage of people who have turned them off. They take those hurts from the few and project them on to a whole group. The Bible makes clear the unfortunate reality that there will be hypocrites in the church. Paul writes:

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 

1 Timothy 4:1-2

The bigger questions that really need to be answered are these: What do authentic Christians look like? What about all of the people who live lives of service and dedication for the good of others because of their faith in Jesus? What about all of the people who have experienced life-long radical change for the better because of their encounter with Jesus Christ? What about all of the good Christians have done in the world which have been motivated by selfless acts? (Medical missions being foremost among them.)

Conclusion

Let’s conclude with this analogy. Think of your favorite song, the one you sing along to in the shower or the one that makes you tap your foot whenever you hear it. Now imagine hearing a terrible cover version. It’s not the same. Rather than a smile you have a confused and puzzled look. It is in some ways like the original but still a far cry from the song you love. The cover version nearly always disappoints, the original doesn’t. What does this have to do with Christian hypocrisy? The church or Christians are the cover version of this analogy. They are the less adequate, less authentic version of the original. That original being Jesus Christ, God himself. It is this, look at the original before making your judgement based on the cover version. Why not read one of the accounts of the life of Jesus? Please don’t settle for anyone less than the authentic original for yourself.

Some charge that the Bible is anti-female and oppressive to women. Does God really hate women? There is even a belief around that the Bible has been developed and used by the church to keep women down. Though it is important to remain sensitive to concerns felt and expressed, this claim is far from true. In fact, Christianity (as represented by the person and teaching of Jesus Christ) was the best thing to happen to women. Had Jesus and the Christian movement he started not appeared, the world would be an immeasurably darker place for women. In this article we’ll see that Jesus’ example, treatment and teaching provided the way for women to discover and grow up in full dignity which was unprecedented in this history of the world. This has had an extremely important impact through the centuries for gender rights, freedom, dignity and worth.

The Culture of Jesus’ Day

During the days of Jesus, the status of women was considerably low. Consider how women were treated from a Roman, Greek and Jewish perspective. For example, Roman law placed a wife under the absolute control of her husband. He had ownership of her and all her possessions. This involved the power of life and death over his wife. Divorce was an easy legal formality that could be taken advantage of as often as desired. Women were not allowed to speak in public. In Greek society the woman’s situation was even worse. Because concubines were common, a wife’s role was simply to bear legitimate children and to keep house. Demosthenes wrote:

We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians for our household affairs.

In the case of a respectable Greek woman, she was not allowed to leave the house unless accompanied by a trustworthy male escort. A wife was not permitted to eat or interact with male guests in her husband’s home; she had to retire to her woman’s quarters. Girls were not allowed to go to school, and when they grew up, they were not allowed to speak in public. Jewish women, as well, were barred from public speaking. The oral law prohibited women from reading the scriptures out loud. Many Jewish men prayed each morning, “God, I thank you that I am not a Gentile, slave, or a woman.” More will be said of the Jewish attitude toward women as we look at Jesus’ attitude and treatment of them.

The Countercultural Ways of Jesus

The low status that Greek, Roman, and Jewish women had for centuries was radically challenged with the appearance of the Jewish Messiah, Jesus Christ. His actions and teachings raised the status of women to new heights, even to the dismay of his friends and enemies. Nancy Hardesty and Leah Scanzoni, authors of All We’re Meant To Be, make the profound point: “Jesus came to earth not primarily as a male but as a person. He treated women not primarily as females but as human beings.” Disciples come in two sexes, male and female. Females were seen by Jesus, alongside of males, as genuine persons. James Hurly writes: “He did not perceive them primarily in terms of their sex, age, or marital status; he seems to have considered them in terms of their relation (or lack of one) to God.”

Let’s look at three countercultural ways Jesus elevated the dignity of women.

# 1: Jesus Taught Women

Jesus regularly addressed women directly while in public. This may seem like NO BIG DEAL. But in that culture (as described above) this was unusual for a man to do, especially one of prominence. The rabbinic oral law was quite explicit: “He who talks with a woman in public brings evil upon himself.” Another rabbinic teaching prominent in Jesus’ day taught, “One is not so much as to greet a woman.” For instance, the disciples were amazed to see Jesus talking with the Samaritan woman at the well of Sychar. (John 4:7-26)

Just then his disciples returned and were surprised to find him talking with a woman. 

John 4:27

To interact with her required that he ignore the Jewish anti-Samaritan prejudices along with prevailing view that saw women as inferior. This did not stop him from starting a conversation with her in public. So, we can understand why his disciples were amazed to find him talking to a woman in public. Imagine how it must have stunned this woman for the Messiah to reach out to her and offer to quench the very thirst of her soul.

This example does not stand alone. Jesus also spoke freely with the woman taken in adultery (John 8:10–11); the widow of Nain (Luke 7:12–13); the woman with the bleeding disorder (Luke 8:48, Matt. 9:22, Mark 5:34); a woman who called to him from a crowd (Luke 11:27–28); the woman bent over for eighteen years (Luke 13:10-17), and a group of women on the route to the cross (Luke 23:27-31). When Lazarus died, Jesus comforted Martha with this promise containing the heart of the Christian gospel:

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?“

John 11:25-26

To teach a woman was unusual enough, but Jesus did more. He called for a verbal response from Martha.

Another important example is taken from a scene, again, while Jesus was with Mary, Martha and Lazarus, who entertained him at their home. (Luke 10:38-42) Martha assumed the traditional female role of preparing a meal for Jesus, her guest, while her sister Mary did what only men would do, namely, learn from Jesus’ teachings. Mary sits at the feet of Jesus and engages in theological study, much to her sister’s chagrin. The clear implication is that Mary is worthy of a rabbi’s theological instruction. This again shows the countercultural contrast for the time as Jesus made a practice of revealing great theological truths to women. By doing this he violated another rabbinic law: “Let the words of the Law be burned rather than taught to women.”

# 2: Jesus Had Female Disciples

Besides these open discussions, he has female disciples. In a culture where the idea of women travelling around with a group of men or having the status of disciple was seriously questionable, Jesus has a number of women who are included in his circle.

After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means.

Luke 8:1-3

It is notable that the first evangelist to lead others to Jesus was the woman at Sychar. (John 4:39-42) In addition, the final words of Jesus on the cross were heard by women who were standing there with Jesus before his death. (Matthew 27:55-56) The first people Jesus chose to appear to after his resurrection were women; not only that, but he instructed them to tell his disciples that he was alive. (John 20:17) In a culture where a woman’s testimony was considered worthless, Jesus elevated the value of women to the highest level.

Further, Jesus did not gloss over sin in the lives of the women he met. He held women personally responsible for their own sin as seen in his challenge to the woman at the well (John 4:16–18), the woman taken in adultery (John 8:10–11), and the sinful woman who anointed his feet. (Luke 7:44–50) Their sin was not condoned but confronted. They were called to responsibility because they were called to discipleship.

# 3: Jesus Dignified Women

The full intrinsic value of women is seen in how he spoke to the women he addressed. Jesus addressed the woman with the bleeding disorder tenderly as “daughter” and referring to the bent woman as a “daughter of Abraham” (Luke 13:16). Theologian Donald Bloesch explains that when “Jesus called the Jewish women ‘daughters of Abraham,’ thereby according them a spiritual status equal to that of men.” He further showed the value and dignity of women in his teachings by including female imagery. The parable of mending the garment, an everyday image from the female sphere, is coupled with the parable of making the wine, an everyday image from the male sphere (Luke 5.36-39). Jesus, in Luke 13:34, likens himself to a mother hen:

0 Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.

Luke 13.34

These are to name a few.

Author Dorothy Sayers, a friend of C.S. Lewis, gives a helpful summary:

Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man—there had never been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized; who never made…jokes about them, never treated them either as ‘The women, God help us!’ or ‘The ladies, God bless them!’; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously, who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no ax to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.

She continues:

There is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words of Jesus that there was anything ‘funny’ about woman’s nature.

It is because of the counterrevolutionary person and work of Jesus Christ; Paul would make this revolutionary declaration which stands alone in the ancient world:

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:28

This is the golden declaration of gender equality: “YOU ARE ALL ONE IN CHRIST JESUS.” It is a momentous and authoritative assertion of gender worth and equality which would go on to bring large political and social sea change.

Effects of Christianity on Culture

Dr. Alvin Schmidt asks a worthwhile thinking question: “What would be the status of women in the Western world today had Jesus Christ never entered the human arena?” One way to answer this question is to look at the status of women in the present-day world which has been without the influence of Christianity. In many of these places, women are still denied many rights that are available to men.

• When they appear in public, they must be veiled.
• They are barred from even driving an automobile.
• Men have the legal right to beat and sexually desert their wives.
• Child brides are required to marry older men.
• Education to women is forbidden.

In other words, it is much the same as it was before Christ came in the world.

As Christianity spread throughout the world, its redemptive effects elevated women and set them free in many ways. It was gradual and sometimes difficult to overturn long held mindsets and practices. The Christian ethic declared equal worth and value for both men and women. Husbands were commanded to love their wives and not be harsh with their children. These principles were in direct conflict with the social and legal norms which gave absolute power of life and death to the husband/father over his family. Over time, where Christian influence prevailed, women were granted basically the same control over their property as men, and mothers were allowed to be guardians of their children.

As a result of Jesus Christ and his teachings, women in much of the world today which has been influenced by the Bible, enjoy more privileges and rights than at any other time in history. It takes only a cursory trip to an Arab nation or to a Third World country to see how little freedom women have in countries where Christianity has had little or no presence.  It’s the best thing that ever happened to women.

Hell is perhaps the most difficult doctrine to defend, the hardest to bear, and the first to be abandoned.  Many struggle to reconcile how a God of love could create a place of eternal torment. Yet despite its difficulty, polls tell us that the majority of Americans do believe there is a hell. More importantly, Jesus taught that it was real, and he took it seriously.  In fact, Jesus spends more time describing hell than heaven. Thirteen percent of the 1,850 verses which record the words of Jesus deal with the subject of eternal judgment and hell. C.S. Lewis said of hell, “There is no doctrine which I would more willingly remove from Christianity than this, if it lay in my power. But it has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of Our Lord’s own words.”

The basic questions this article will wrestle with are: What is hell? If God loves us, why would he send anyone to hell?  Why is it eternal when our sin is finite? 

What Is Hell?

To help us explore all of these questions, we will look at the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-27. In this passage we have one of the clearest portrayals of hell in all of the Bible.¹ This story represents what hell is like:

¹⁹ “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. ²⁰ At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores ²¹ and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. ²² “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. ²³ In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. ²⁴ So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ ²⁵ “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. ²⁶ And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

Luke 16:19-26

It speaks of people suffering emotionally.

We see the rich man here and he is in regret. Look at the cry of the rich man:

“Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.“

Luke 16:27-28

The rich man basically says, “I don’t like being here, and I don’t want my brothers to be here.”  This is an expression of regret. Regret is a quality of those in hell. Jesus, in Matthew describes hell as a place where there is “weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

This is how it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Matthew 13:49-50

What is weeping and gnashing of teeth? Theological Dictionary of the New Testament explains, “The reference is not to despairing rage, nor to a physical reaction, but to the remorse of those who are shut out of the kingdom even though called to it.”  There is the never-ending regret. Have you ever heard this sound—arrrgh!”? I’ve heard that sound coming from the kitchen of my home as I’ve cruised by Brenda (my wife) exclaiming: “Arrrgh! I should have taken those rolls out of the oven sooner. Now it’s a burnt sacrifice!” Or you missed the last second shot at the end of the game: “Arghhh!” When you blow it with cooking or basketball, there is a next time.  But in hell people say, “I blew it, I blew it, I blew it!” And there is no next time. Dante, in the Inferno, envisioned this sign chiseled above hell’s gate: “Abandon all hope, you who enter here.” 

It speaks of people suffering physically.

So he called to him, “Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.“

Luke 16:24

He asks Lazarus about the possibility of receiving the treasured relief that a single drop of water would offer. The rich man doesn’t ask for a barrel of water or a jar or a cup or a gulp. He just says a drop or two would be wonderful.

It speaks of people suffering spiritually. 

There is the absence of God.  The most ungodly and wicked of all people still benefit from living in an age where God’s grace shines on the just and the unjust. The worst criminals can still look out, even through prison bars, and see a blue sky and green grass. In this age, God is still restraining evil, and he is still working miracles in people’s lives who are far from him. He’s monitoring the flow of history. God still holds evil on a leash.  But in hell, God doesn’t intervene anymore.

Why Hell? 

What is described above sounds like a horrible place. So, why did God create it?

Justice demands it.

John Lennon, in his ballad, Imagine, sings:

Imagine there's no Heaven, 
It's easy if you try, 
No hell below us, 
Above us only sky, 
Imagine all the people, 
Living for today. 

Unfortunately, the greatest mass murderers believed that there was no justice awaiting them.  Without hell justice would never overtake the unrepentant tyrants responsible for murdering millions. Perpetrators of evil throughout the ages would get away with murder and every kind of destructive behavior. Were this our only life, for justice to be served, all evil would have to be judged here and all goodness rewarded here. That is beyond human capability. Without a judgement in the afterlife, complete justice is impossible.

What this means is that hell is not an evil place; it’s a place where evil gets punished. In this sense, hell is morally good because a good God must punish evil. Randy Alcorn writes, “Hell will not be a blot on the universe, but an eternal testimony to the ugliness of evil that will prompt wondrous appreciation of a good God’s magnificence.”  

Love demands it.

Why would a good God send people to hell? He doesn’t. God will let people go there ONLY if they so choose. Jesus says in Matthew 25:41 that hell was “prepared for the devil and his angels.”  It was not made for human beings. Hell is a place where God is NOT so that people who don’t want to spend eternity with God don’t have to.  To love someone requires that I give them the freedom to not love me back.  Love forced is not love at all. Sometimes people say, “If God is a loving father, I cannot imagine him condemning kids, no matter what they did to reject him.” Let’s say you’re an earthly parent, and your child decides he wants nothing to do with you and leaves home. What are your options? You can send him letters expressing your love; you can send money to help him get on his feet; you can visit him and plead with him to come home; you cannot bind him hand and foot, drag him home, and chain him to his bed for the rest of his life. That’s not love; that’s kidnapping and imprisonment.

Because of this, hell is not a place of torture because torture is suffering which is done against someone’s will.  Because our choices in this life orient us for eternity, God-rejecters might be as miserable in heaven as hell. C.S. Lewis states that the doors of hell are barred from the inside. By this he means that those in hell refuse to give up their trust in themselves to turn to God. The rich man in Luke 16 desperately desired to have his agony relieved; he even requested a drop of water from paradise. Wanting out of hell is not the same as wanting to be with God.

Why Is Hell Eternal?

A big question which is asked, “Wait a minute. How can people deserve everlasting destruction? Sin is finite or temporal, how can God punish for eternity\?” Here are three ways to reflect on this question.

The Person We Rebel Against

Suppose a middle school student punches another student in class. What happens? The student is given a detention. Suppose during the detention, this boy punches the teacher. What happens? The student gets suspended from school. Suppose on the way home, the same boy punches a policeman on the nose. What happens? He finds himself in jail. Suppose some years later, the very same boy is in a crowd waiting to see the President of the United States. As the President passes by, the boy lunges forward to punch the President. What happens? He is shot dead by the Secret Service. In every case the crime is precisely the same, but the severity of the crime is measured by the one against whom it is committed. What comes from sinning against God? Answer: everlasting punishment.

J. Warner Wallace clearly explains:

It’s important to remember the punishment for any crime is not determined by the criminal, but by the authority who is responsible for upholding the standard. Justice is not determined by the law breaker, but by the law giver. Justice and punishment are established based on the nature of the source of the law, not the nature of the source of the offense. Since God is the source of justice and the law, His nature determines the punishment.

For example, it is not that you lost your temper and said some unkind words in 2003. It’s not that you had lustful thoughts from looking at a website in 2004. It is not that you exaggerated your accomplishments on your resume in 2005. The crime earning one a place in hell is the rejection of the true and living eternal God. This rejection is not finite. People who reject God have rejected him completely.  It is a rejection of the source of all life, being, and existence.

The Nature of the Rebellion

The separation from God is everlasting because the rebellion of the heart is everlasting. As New Testament scholar, D.A. Carson has stated, hell is a place where “sinners go on sinning and receiving the recompense of their sin, refusing, always refusing, to bend the knee.” Hell would be ongoing punishment for ongoing sins. Evidence of this is seen in our passage where the rich man has a self-absorption that does not change.  He still wants Lazarus to be his servant.  He doesn’t say, “I was wrong for showing a lack of compassion.”  Rather he says, “Send Lazarus to serve me.”  He asks for comfort but not for change. Though people in rebellion do not want to be in hell, they do not want to be in a relationship to God to an even greater degree.

Conclusion

The Bible is a story of God pulling out all stops to reach humanity he dearly loves.  He is more passionate for everyone’s well-being than you and I are.  Even in the final hours on a death bed God has the power to speak into and reach out to and offer his love. God determined he would rather endure the torment of the cross on our behalf than live in heaven without us. Apart from Christ, we would all spend eternity in hell. But God so much wants us not to go to hell that he paid a horrible price so we wouldn’t have to.

¹It is referred to as “hades” which is a term meaning “realm of the dead.” Yet, this is the equivalent term for hell in the gospels.

What is the purpose of God for allowing suffering and evil in the world?  Yes, God suffers with us and for us. Yes, on the cross, Jesus bore all of the sin of humanity. But, does God bring about positive benefits through suffering? In approaching this question, it is important to keep in mind that Christianity addresses this problem of suffering more comprehensively than any other belief system. As Tim Keller explain: 

For God has purposed to defeat evil so exhaustively on the cross that all the ravages of evil will someday be undone and we, despite participating in it so deeply, will be saved. God is accomplishing this not in spite of suffering, agony, and loss but through it—it is through the suffering of God that the suffering of humankind will eventually be overcome and undone.

The message of the Christian faith is that God is accomplishing his purposes through suffering. What could this be? There is an expression (turned into a popular song), “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” In this article, we will examine several ways God allows suffering and pain to bring about a greater good.

What Doesn’t Kill You…

How does suffering, then, make us stronger?  The Bible gives some clear answers to this. This understanding is born out repeatedly in scripture. Here are some notable examples:

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  

Romans 5:3-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

James 1:2-4

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

2 Corinthians 4:17

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.

Psalm 119:67

The biblical witness is clear, pain and suffering can have a sanctifying process, shaping us more into the character of Christ. Charles Dickens once wrote, “Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching…I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.”

No Pain, No Gain

Suffering Draws Us Near to God 

God permits pain and suffering because it challenges people to think about God, maybe for even the first time. For many people, the first prayers or thoughts of God came as the result of tragedy. C.S. Lewis described pain as God’s megaphone. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains.  It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Pain is God’s way of getting the attention of people in a noncoercive way so that they might let go of the vanities or destructive habits of this life, consider spiritual things, and perhaps even repent of sin. Pain, in many cases, is a severe mercy which calls people away from destructive behaviors and toward God and his purposes.

Musician David Crowder in his song, How He Loves Us, speaks to this point:

All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and great your affections are for me.

The Psalm writer expresses it this way:

“You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.”

Psalm 30:11

Suffering Draws Us to Maturity 

Jonathan Haidt, a prominent psychologist at New York University, maintains that there is clear psychological evidence for the view that “people need adversity, setbacks…to reach the highest levels of strength, fulfillment, and personal development.”  He points out why this is seen in two ways. First, people who endure and come out on the other side of suffering become more resilient. Once they have learned to cope, they know they can do it again and live life with less anxiety. Second, it strengthens relationships, usually bonding those who suffer and struggle together more tightly into deeper friendships or family ties that serve to nurture and strengthen for years.

In the face of pain and adversity, the best human characteristics are developed. Here are some examples:

• There is no courage without danger.
• There is no sympathy without suffering.
• There is no forgiveness without sin.
• There is no compassion without loss or hurt.
• There is no patience without adversity.

Suffering Draws Us Near to Each Other 

God may permit suffering because it provides humans with the motivation and opportunity to care for one another and build better societies and communities. A world such as ours requires human beings to cooperate and peacefully co-exist in order to successfully respond to its challenges. God has provided us with a world that provokes us to improve our situation and advance in our care for one another. One example is seen in the improvements of medicine and sanitation. The list of medical and technological breakthroughs which prolong life and enhance the quality of human existence is stunningly remarkable:

• antibiotics
• vaccines (e.g. Polio)
• organ transplants
• anesthetics
• insulin
• sewage disposal
• water treatment
• surgical technologies

Because of advances in areas like medicine and sanitation the life expectancy of people, in countries where these are provided, has nearly doubled over the last 200 years.

Why Even Have This Kind of World?

Why a world with evil?

We sought to answer this question in the previous article. Here is another way to think about this. Imagine if God intervened at every moment anyone was going to make a wrong choice. Free will would no longer exist. If God waved his magic wand every time we made a bad choice, we would merely be puppets controlled by a puppeteer who overruled our thoughts and actions. Would we want to live in such a world, even if it meant we were insulated from suffering? Could we even speak of concepts such as ‘love’ without it being something freely given, and freely rejected? At best, we would be reduced to pets where our choices and capabilities had very limited influence or meaning.

What about a world of suffering?

The critic of Christianity will be quick to reply, “That may be. But there is also much suffering that exists in the world which isn’t a result of our own actions.” This includes natural disasters, disease and illness. In answer to this, scientist-theologian John Polkinghorne suggests that God has created a universe with particular natural laws that make life on earth possible so that humans with free will can exist in the first place. As an example, the same weather systems that create tornadoes that kill humans also create thunderstorms that provide our environment with the water needed for human existence. The same plate tectonics that kill humans (in earthquakes) are necessary for regulation of soils and surface temperatures needed for human existence. Because of the Fall of humanity (Genesis 3), the natural laws that operate are both a blessing and a curse. Christian thinker, Justin Brierly writes,

Tectonic plate activity renews the surface of the earth with minerals, yet wreaks havoc when humans build cities on the fault lines. Cell replication allows our bodies to grow and develop, yet can result in cancer when natural processes misfire.

Death has been introduced into the life cycle, yet it is our “last enemy” which will be defeated. (1 Corinthians 15:26)

Final Thoughts

Exercise compassion in suffering.

In approaching this topic a word of caution is definitely needed. In the very personal face of pain and suffering, we do not want to exercise a hurtful insensitivity like Job experienced with his friends. That means avoiding simple conclusions to what is often very complex realities to which only God fully understands. The wisest course of action when someone is in pain or suffering is to “weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)  We do not want to play God in people’s lives but to provide his compassion and grace.

Exercise humility with the limits of our knowledge.

The apostle Paul, with the unmatched revelation and knowledge he had been given into the mysteries revealed in Christ, expressed these words, showing our need for humility and worship when it comes to the limits of our knowledge:

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”
For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen. (Romans 11:33-36) 

Though there is much we can say on the issue of why God has allowed evil and suffering, as Paul said in another place: “All that I know now is partial and incomplete.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)  

Perhaps the toughest question asked of Christians is, “Where is God in our suffering?” It is a question that escapes easy answers.  All around us is the evidence of appalling and painful suffering. There are natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis, disease and famine which cause painful devastation and loss to innumerable multitudes. Other suffering occurs because of human actions. Wars, betrayal, abuse, and theft are examples among many other painful and destructive behaviors.  All of this suffering and evil presents a serious challenge to belief in the Christian God. The problem of evil is the bogeyman of Christianity. A monster hiding within the closet, whose presence we ignore for fear of discovering we are ill-equipped to understand and resolve. God is all-knowing, so he will be aware of suffering and evil. He is all-powerful, so he will be able to prevent suffering and evil. He is perfectly good, so he will want to stop all evil and suffering.  Clearly, he does not stop evil and suffering.  So, how can we believe in God?     

This article and the next article will seek to provide an answer to this challenge.  As we examine this issue, the case will be made that the existence of evil and suffering presents a powerful case for why the God of Christianity revealed in Jesus Christ can best account for why there is evil and suffering and give a secure hope for its final end.

No Evil Without God  

To call anything right or wrong or good or evil is to accept that some moral standard must exist for how we can judge something.  But, where does that standard come? Who determines it? In other words, when we say, “If God is good he ought to stop people from destructive behaviors,” where do we get our standard for “good?” Who ultimately determines how the world “ought” to be? Why should there be a standard, anyway? C.S. Lewis, when speaking of his change from atheism to belief in God, wondered where he even got the idea of an “unjust” suffering in the first place on the grounds of atheism. He explains:

My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? 

Lewis was saying that he needed an objective standard (outside of people) by which to judge something as good or evil, right or wrong. Otherwise, we are left with a world or brute reality without any real meaning; all suffering is simply the cause and effect of random and senseless forces of nature. Without this reference point, human beings have no more value to their behaviors than a swarm of ants or a herd of barn yard pigs. We are just more biologically advanced. That’s it. As atheist Richard Dawkins says that in a world without God there can be no basis to judge an action as evil. He writes the following:   

On the contrary, if the universe were just electrons and selfish genes…blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice. The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but pitiless indifference.

If there is no God then we are left with “pitiless indifference.”

Why Evil?

So why did God create a world with the possibility of having evil? Only a world with the possibility of evil would allow the possibility of love. God could have easily created a world in which nothing evil could ever happen. He could have preprogrammed people to always “act” in loving ways. But these preprogrammed agents would not genuinely be loving. Love can only be genuine if it’s freely chosen. Unless a person has the capacity to choose against love, they don’t really have the capacity to choose for it.

In fact, the concept of a “preprogrammed lover “ is completely meaningless contradiction of terms, like the concept of a “married bachelor” or a “towering midget.” God can’t create a “preprogrammed lover” because the very idea of an agent who is capable of love but not capable of choosing against love is meaningless. If God’s purpose in creation is raising up a people who are capable of receiving and reflecting his love, these people will have to have the potential to choose against love. The price of the possibility of love is freedom, and with freedom comes the possibility of evil. Madeleine Engle explains:

The problem of pain, of war and the horror of war, of poverty and disease is always confronting us. But a God who allows no pain, no grief, also allows no choice. There is no unfairness in a colony of ants, but also there is little freedom.

God Defeats Evil With Love  

So, if there is evil in the world, how do we believe in an all-knowing, all-powerful and all-good God? Though granting that God is real and is the Creator, some think of God as above all the plight and difficult struggles in the world, knowing everything, in charge of everything, yet calm and unaffected by the troubles in his world. If this were true, it would be a serious strike against God’s goodness and love. But that is not the picture we get in the Bible. Evil and suffering are deeply personal. Christianity states that God gives the most personal response. God becomes human in the person of Jesus Christ and bears ALL the evil and suffering of humanity through his own suffering and death.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.

1 Peter 3:18

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:21

Pastor and theologian John Stott voices the importance of this biblical truth:

I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross…In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it? I have entered many Buddhist temples in different Asian countries and stood respectfully before the statue of the Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile playing round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world. But each time after a while I have had to turn away. And in imagination I have turned instead to that lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn-pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged in Godforsaken darkness. That is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us. Our sufferings become more manageable in the light of his. There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross that symbolizes divine suffering.

As John Austin Baker says, “The crucified Jesus is the only accurate picture of God the world has ever seen.” The understanding of Jesus on the cross discloses a God who suffers with humanity. God, in allowing evil, suffers the effects of evil, to overcome evil.

The Good News

The message of Christianity is not just that God suffers with us. God suffers for us.  We are trapped in the cycles of pain and suffering we experience and all too often cause them. God’s suffering is transformative.  He bears our suffering and turns it into transformative love. Simon Cuff tellingly clarifies:

As human beings we cling to power, God sheds it. As human beings we flee suffering, God transforms it. As human beings we cause suffering, God endures it. Christ is his last word on the matter. God suffers with us, but more important, for us – so in that last word we too might be fully alive, and free from the suffering this life brings.

What is unique about Christianity among all other religions is that God actually enters into all of our suffering. God knows suffering as a horrible and brutal experience. But he does this to overcome and transform it. As the great hymn of the early church, quoted by the Apostle Paul, expresses:

⁶ Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

What Does this Mean?

We cannot blame God for evil. The French atheist and novelist Albert Camus makes this astounding claim, “In that Christ has suffered, and had suffered voluntarily, suffering was no longer unjust….The divinity ostensibly abandoned its traditional privilege, and lived through to the end, despair included, the agony of death.” Camus appears to be saying that if God is no exception—if even he has suffered—then we cannot say he doesn’t understand. We cannot say that his sovereignty over suffering is being exercised in a cruel and unfeeling way. The cross makes it impossible to say that God has kept himself immune from our pain. We can fully trust him.

We can see God has provided the ultimate solution toward evil. At the cross evil is conquered as evil because God turns it back upon itself. He makes the supreme crime, the murder of the only righteous person to ever live, the very operation that abolishes the guilt and condemnation of our sin. This is utterly unprecedented. No more complete victory could be imagined.  At the cross, evil is “turned back on itself.” As John Calvin expressed, on the cross, destruction was destroyed, “torment tormented, damnation damned . . . death dead, mortality made immortal.” Jesus exhausted evil with the power of his love and then rose again. Because of this the end of the story will triumphantly declare these words:

 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Revelation 21:4

In the next article we will look at how God brings a greater good through evil and suffering.

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town where they had spent their lives. The local newspaper reporter inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband said, “Well, it all dates back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife softly said, ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded just a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile more when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife silently removed a revolver from her coat pocket and shot that mule dead. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and said, “That’s once”

The desire of most every marriage is that it will last a lifetime.  Yet, in too many cases, this is not the reality. Divorce is the tragic outcome. This is a hard topic to address because it deeply impacts many of us directly or indirectly. It doesn’t take a theologian to know that God is not a fan of divorce.  It doesn’t take a  sociologist to know that divorce causes families and society a lot of problems.  

My goal in this article is to bring the healing words of the Savior:  1) To reestablish in our minds God’s plan for marriage. 2) To bring grace and encouragement to those who have been impacted by divorce whether directly or indirectly.  To do this we will go to what I believe is the clearest teaching Jesus gives us on this issue in Matthew 19:1-9.

Jesus and Divorce

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

Matthew 19:1-3

Matthew writes that some Pharisees came to “test.” This means these guys were wanting to put pressure on Jesus that would cause his ministry to implode and sink his popularity.  Their goal was to impale the Savior on the horns of a dilemma by causing him to take sides in a no-win highly charged controversy.  At the time of Jesus, the leading Jewish scholars had two differing views about divorce and what justified it. Their contention was over how to interpret Deuteronomy 24:1.

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her (erwat debar), and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…

Deuteronomy 24:1 

“Erwat dabar” is Hebrew for “indecent about her.” There were two dominant schools of thought regarding the meaning. Rabbi Shammai said that indecent meant only ‘sexual indecency,’ meaning that Moses was saying that if a man discovered his wife had been sexually unfaithful, he could divorce her.  On the other side was Rabbi Hillel. Hillel said “indecent” meant anything you didn’t like about her. Maybe she has indecent behavior or indecent cooking skills, or indecent morning breath. This is not an exaggeration. We have record of him saying, “If she consistently burns the bread, erwat dabar, you may divorce her.” The majority of the Jewish world was on the side of Rabbi Hillel.  Jesus avoids the trap altogether. Look at his response.  

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”            

Matthew 19:4-6

Jesus completely sidesteps the debate.  He looks not to the legislation of Moses but  goes all the way back to the creation in Genesis.  He says that God’s intention was for one man and one woman for a lifetime.  And that has not changed.  The question is not to focus on the how do we get out, but how do we stay in.  The goal is not asking when it is okay to dissolve a marriage, rather what can we do to protect and preserve marriages that are at risk of falling apart. 

There were two visions of marriage in Jesus’ day, just like there are two today: Consumer and Covenant.

Consumer View of Marriage

A consumer relationship is one where you figure out what you need and who best can meet that need. There is nothing wrong with consumer relationships. You have a consumer relationship with your grocery store—It is convenient from your house; it has fairly good prices and has a Redbox if you want a movie. However, another store might open up that is more convenient, or has better prices, bigger aisles, more selection. So you choose it, instead. No one can fault you. But the most important relationships are not consumer. Parents can’t say to their children, “You know, this is just not working out. It’s not you; it’s me. I actually have been hanging out with the neighbor’s kids, and I’m happier with them.”  With a covenant you cannot negotiate terms and have a buy-out option.

Covenant View of Marriage

Covenant is a fusion of two lives into a new entity. This is what is meant by “one flesh.” This is the reality to be protected and preserved. This is what Jesus stated should be our focus.

Yet, there are occasions where Jesus teaches that it is not possible.   

 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.“

Matthew 9:7-8

As I’ve thought through all the instances that as a pastor I have had to deal with regarding marital strife among people in my churches, in every situation I’ve sought to do everything I can to promote the healing of the relationship.  I have never encouraged divorce. But in upholding the sanctity and dignity of marriage, notice what the Savior does not say, “Once you are in a marriage the two of you, no matter what happens, and no matter what circumstances occur, under no conditions can divorce.”  Rather:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:9

Here is the situation Jesus was seeking to confront. Jewish men would look for ways to get rid of their wives to marry younger and more attractive women.  Thus, Jewish leaders (under Hillel’s teaching) sought to give any loopholes that could give them permission to get out of the relationship.  Jesus basically says, “If you fall in love or lust with someone else, don’t think you are off the hook from committing adultery because you received a legal divorce in order to marry this new found flame.  In God’s eyes and your own heart, even though you have the divorce paper, you have committed adultery.” 

But notice what else he says. There is an exception for legitimate grounds for divorce and remarriage: “except for marital unfaithfulness.”  The term in the Greek for marital unfaithfulness is “porneia.”  (Moichaó is the word in Greek for adultery.) So the choice of word used is instructive. It is a tough term to translate because we don’t have an equivalent word in English.  Porneia means an “something really bad or twisted that breaks trust.”  (It is where our modern term for pornography comes.) This can refer to such activities as:

• sexual immorality (Acts 15:20)
• depravity/wickedness (Romans 1:29)
• fornication (1 Cor.7:2)
• immorality (Rev.18:3)

This term does not seem to reference so much a specific sexual act as it does a strong form of emotional and spiritual violation that breaks the covenant trust. The term is vague just as the term Moses used in Deuteronomy 24:1: erwat debar. The reason for this is because God’s Word is dealing more with issues of deep human trust rather than loopholes or legal behaviors.        

As a side note, it is important to understand that Christian and non-Christian psychologists alike say that for a person who has experienced the pain of adultery; in order for him/her to be able to possibly move forward and make that marriage work, they need to have an “out.”  As the innocent person is going through the grief and betrayal from adultery, he or she needs to have the sense of dignity and  freedom to say,  “If I choose to stay, I can make it work; but if I choose to leave, I will do that.” Jesus knew that and allows for it.  

So, when is divorce permitted? In my estimation, it can be spelled out in these three areas:

• Adultery
• Abandonment          
• Abuse

I will elaborate below.

What do you need to do? 

Let’s be faithful. 

There is a difference between disappointment and hurt in a marriage and destruction and harm.   When there is disappointment and hurt we need to forgive as we’ve been forgiven by God and reconcile with our mate.  We need to work on the relationship and hang in there. 

 Here are reasons not to divorce…

• Your spouse spends too much money.
• Your spouse isn’t spending enough time with you.
• You don‘t feel you have anything in common anymore.
• You don’t feel love.
• You realized you married too young.
• You think God wanted you to marry someone else.
• She talks too much.
• He listens too little.

Even the accumulation of several of these hurts and others like them are not legitimate reasons to end up in the divorce court. Sometimes a separation is on order, but a separation is to work toward reconciliation not divorce. 

It is a different story when there is:

• Abuse: One spouse beats the other one up or seriously threatens to do physical harm. 
• Adultery: One spouse is sexually unfaithful so that person has abandoned the covenant of marriage.
• Abandonment: One spouse regularly takes money needed for groceries or utilities and spends it on alcohol or drugs leaving the family in a desperate situation.

Do you forgive?  Yes. Do you reconcile and restore a marital trust? The Bible says, “Not necessarily.”   

Divorce should be as radical as amputating an arm or a leg. There are times when amputation is necessary, but any doctor would be run out of the practice if he was constantly and quickly saying, “Let’s just amputate it.” ‘Hang nail? Amputation. Sprained ankle? Amputation. Ugly freckles or varicose veins? Cut if off!” Amputation is the last thing that you do!

Let’s be forgiving. 

Jeremiah 3:8. God says, “For all her adulteries, I gave faithless Israel a certificate of  divorce.” God has the audacity to call himself a divorced person! If I were to ask all divorced people to stand up, God would stand up with you. Now, of course, there was no sin on his side of the divorce, and maybe there was on yours. In the cross and resurrection, Jesus puts away the sin done by you and he overturns the sin done to you. The resurrection is God overturning the curse of death and destruction brought on by our sin; whether our sin or somebody else’s, and infusing the power of new life into the dead tomb of a broken relationship. The empty tomb is the answer for a soul broken by divorce.

I am well aware that this has been one of those issues where those who have been divorced have been made to feel as though they are wearing the scarlet letter D in the church.  It becomes the one sin or issue that appears to put a person in a second class status despite whatever circumstances and unique issues were involved in a person’s situation. Maybe you are innocent.  God can flip the script.  He has resurrection power. Maybe you made terrible mistakes in that process, even committed terrible sins. You can’t change that now, but those mistakes don’t mean God is done with you. Think of David and Bathsheba. That relationship started under the WORST of circumstances.  David had an affair with a married woman, and then had her husband murdered. Yet when he confessed and repented, God cleansed and blessed that marriage to the point that out of that marriage came Solomon, and Solomon would have a son who would have a son who would have a son and so on and eventually came Jesus. God brought Jesus out of a sexual relationship that began as an affair that led to murder.  What do we say, friends, but “Amazing Grace?”

What does that mean other than God is saying to all of us that he loves redeeming the worst situations. He loves redeeming the hardest cases. He loves demonstrating that no life is a lost or abandoned cause. You can trust him!

There was a rookie preacher asked to officiate a wedding for the first time.  He was nervous. So he decided to seek help from a more experienced minister. The older minister told him, “Don’t worry about it.  Just recite any appropriate Bible verse and everything will be all right. They’re not going to remember what you say anyway.” The day of the wedding came, and the rookie preacher was even more nervous. As he looked at the couple standing before him, he forgot everything he was going to say.  Remembering what the older minister said about reciting a scripture, he quoted the first Scripture that came to mind, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

It is increasingly clear our society does not know what they are doing when it comes to marriage. In fact, more and more, we are hearing marriage is an outdated and even harmful arrangement.  For many the idea of marriage is too painful and best discarded. The answer to the challenge of marriage is not to replace it, but to return to the most important truth about your marriage: your marriage is not about your marriage.  Marriages are successful when they realize that they are about something bigger than themselves.  When you are not finding the answers in each other, look for someone bigger than yourselves. 

Foundational Truths

Building Block of Society

Marriage is the foundation of civilization and society.  If it doesn’t work then there is nothing that can be done.  There are no programs or amount of money that will fix a society where marriage does not work.  It was the first human relationship to be established.  This is by God’s order. 

Why did God make marriage?

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

Seven times in the first chapter of Genesis God declares all that he has made to be “good.”  But in 2:18, for the first time, he declares an aspect of creation “not good.” What specifically is not good is that the man is “alone.” Now, Adam is not lonely. He does not even have a concept of what loneliness is. He is in perfect fellowship with God. It is more like the task before him is so big, he cannot do that job alone.  It is not good because the larger purpose God has for him cannot be fulfilled by himself.   The word “suitable” means to “help as one standing opposite or different from him.” Adam didn’t need another strong back to build a structure or pick fruit.  He needed someone who was different than him emotionally and physically.  

 In v.19 God wants Adam to realize there is something missing. He begins a process where he revs up in Adam a desire for companionship.  As an old expression goes: “Half the having is in wanting.”  In v.19 he names the animals.  

Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.   

Genesis 2:19

What a guy! He is created, married, and names the animals in one day.  Two questions: 1) How does he name the animals in one day? 2) How does this rev up his desire for companionship? Adam does not name all of the animals.  Here it mentions birds and beast of the field.  In v.20 it will mention livestock. What is not mentioned are fish, wild animals, and creeping animals.  Further he just names kinds.  Not individual species. 

Second, paraded before him are hippos, giraffes, aardvarks.  As he goes through each one and names them, they probably peak his curiosity because they are in pairs.  He sees Mr. Aardvark and Mrs. Aardvark, Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe and Mr. Hippo and then Mrs. Hippo. (Though I’m sure she didn’t want to be called that.) In the process of naming he realizes that something is missing.  There is no Mrs. Adam. This is why it states in v.20, “for Adam there was no suitable helper.”

So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 

Genesis 2:20

He realizes something is missing. What does this term “helper” mean? It could be defined as one who comes alongside in a task.  I do not believe the focus is helping Adam’s personal needs, though that comes into play.  It is what they are called to do as a team together.  God is often called a “helper.”  He is NOT our cosmic bell-hop. He is an ever-present help in time or trouble.  One of the Holy Spirit’s titles is “helper.” Helper also means one who comes to the rescue! So, Adam needs a partner who is very much like him but also very different.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs‍‍ and closed up the place with flesh.

Genesis 2:21

“Deep sleep” sounds like God gives Adam some type of celestial Sominex. 

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib‍‍ he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

Genesis 2:22

Do you know where one of the best places is in the body to do get tissue to do reconstructive surgery?  The rib. Do you know who knew that?  God.

What is the deeper meaning of this? God sacrifices something from the man in behalf of the woman. This is the measure of a man.  The true measure of manhood is that their strength and talents and resources are used for the service of others: our work, our community, our family. It is sacrifice.  The leadership of husbands should always be characterized by one BIG question, “How can I serve you?” “How can I advance God’s best in your life?” 

Love your wives as Christ loved the church…wives respect your husbands… (Ephesian 5:22, 33) He sacrifices and she compliments.  There is a mutual serving.  Our hormonal make up and the wiring of our brains is such that when a man sacrifices a woman honors and respects.  

Brenda, my wife, values providing me a safe place at home.  She plays a really big role in what I do in ministry.  She thinks about the weight of responsibilities I carry and supports me in it. What I do in ministry is a big reflection on what she does for me.  But just as important, she needs emotional connection; she needs me to encourage her and support her in God’s plan. 

Your marriage is about bringing each other closer in fulfilling God’s mission and plan.
The focus is not on each other but God.    

Moms have a unique capacity to nurture children.  A dad’s role is vital in this but different.  Husbands need to ask how to help their wives to be successful in the mission of parenting.  This goes for financial stewardship and management. This goes for ministry and discipleship. The big question is how do you serve each other to fulfill God’s mission. Husbands and wives need to realize the strength of their differences to advance God’s mission. Who is more important in football: the quarterback or receiver?  What tool is better, the hammer or the screw driver? Neither is more important. They are both essential to accomplish the common mission.    

What do you need to do? 

Understand the difference. 

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‍ for she was taken out of man.”

Genesis 2:23

This statement is a Hebrew expletive. Adam is beside himself (almost literally), as if to say, “Wrap it up, I’ll take it.”   “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is a way of saying, “You complete me.”  It is important to see that the attraction is in the difference. One time a guy asked me if I had ever got in touch with my feminine side. I responded that I did when I got married. 

Sometimes couples complain that they do not have a lot in common. That can be an issue at some levels. Yet, what is most valuable in the marriage relationship is not what you have in common but what makes you different.  Our differences as male and female goes down to the cellular level.  The record here in Genesis tells us that we’ve been purposefully created by a loving and wise God.   Biologists have demonstrated that every cell in our body is stamped XX (women) or XY (men).

• Our chromosomes are different.
• Our brains are different.
• Our voices are different.
• Our body shapes are different.
• Our body strengths are different. (On average a man’s body is composed of 40% muscle, and a woman’s is 25% muscle. 50% more blood.)
• Our reproductive systems are different.

Paula Johnson (researcher who sought to understand the differences of medicine and healthcare for men and women) said this:

“Every cell has a sex — and what that means is that men and women are different down to the cellular and molecular level. It means that we’re different across all of our organs, from our brains to our hearts, our lungs, our joints”

Value the difference  

This is a little bit of a overgeneralization. But if you were to crack open a man’s brain, you will see a waffle. (This doesn’t mean that they waffle on all decisions) A waffle has little boxes and you can put everything in a box: a work box, a parenting box, a finance box, a marriage box, a ministry box) Men put their lives in thought boxes. As a result, men are problem-solvers by nature. They enter a box, size up the problem and formulate a solution. If you were to crack open a woman’s brain, you would find spaghetti. Everything is connected to everything: work, kids, friendships, ministry. Everything is connected and it all bleeds into each other and is at times fueled by a lot of emotion. Men have one browser opened at a time, and women have several browsers opened at a time.

In my home this is seen by Brenda being in tune with so much more than I am.  I’m focused on one thing.  This means that as I stay in tune with her, she helps me to be aware of many things I otherwise would not see. I am able to stay focused through times of pressure and decision making.

Find unity in the difference.  (v.24) 

²⁴ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

“One flesh” means to stick like glue!  This glue-like oneness was to achieve something very much bigger than themselves.  Their job is to fill the earth and rule over it.  (See Genesis 1:28) Marriage is for mission. What about joining in a mission and larger purpose together.  This is important to spot in the dating relationship, as well. If the person you are dating does not have a sense of calling and responsibility to  something bigger than himself/herself, chances are the relationship will go nowhere. 

Counselor James H. Olthuis writes,

‘To try to keep love just for us . . . is to kill it slowly.  We are not made just for each other; we are called to a ministry of love to everyone we meet and in all we do. In marriage, too, Jesus’ words hold true; in saving our lives we lose them, and in losing our lives in love to others, we drink of life more deeply.’ “

Dennis Rainey warns,

‘Every marriage, given its own course, will naturally drift toward isolation, two people separate from one another.’ [We] want to stop that natural drift toward isolation. Whenever we minister together, we build into our week precious hours where we focus on exactly the same thing at the same time. That’s a powerful practice, and it builds marriages.

Can I give you the most important truth about your marriage? It is not about your marriage.  Marriages are successful when spouses realize that they are about something bigger than themselves.  When you are in marital difficulty, or you are trying to even makes sense of your marriage, realize it is not about you.  The Bible blueprint of hope is this: When you are not finding the answers in each other, look to God’s purposes which are bigger than yourselves. 

 

The concept of marriage appears to be rapidly falling out of style. In fact, there are some in Western culture who call it an entirely antiquated idea, perhaps claiming that it is far too big and unnecessary a commitment or that they do not need a state-approved piece of paper to “validate” their love.

In relationships and dating, marriage has become only one of many potential outcomes/paths to take as opposed to the end-destination. Culture has vastly underemphasized its beauty and necessity.

We would do well to remember that marriage is not a state-created institution; it was created and blessed by God, and it is a vital part of his plan for the thriving and abundance of not only men and women but society as a whole.

Two key passages will rest at the foundation for our discussion today.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. ²³ The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” ²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:18, 20-24

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:27-28

In these two passages, we receive the outline of God’s plan for male/female relationships and the building of human society. We should not take this lightly, as he has given us the building blocks for human flourishing. Whether a society follows the biblical model for marriage is one of the greatest indicators of its long-term health. God knows what he’s doing.

It’s Better for Kids

In the first few pages of the Bible, God makes it clear that a marriage is to consist of one man and one woman in a union of love and commitment. This is the model for an intimate relationship, and consequently, it is the model for raising children. As they grow up, a child needs both the steady guidance and protection of their father and the nurturing love and comfort of their mother. This is by design.

Unfortunately, the percentage of children living in single-parent households (and these are overwhelmingly single-mother households in particular) is around twenty-one. The data trends seem to indicate this will only rise, if anything, as premarital sex and abuse appear to be increasing within relationships.

Furthermore, children in single-parent households are much more likely to be impoverished and food-insecure. Boys without a father are much more likely to enter into a life of crime. One could say there is no greater predictor of childhood stability than having a married mother and father who live together. If more and more households are not adhering to this practice, however, and failure to do so often ushers in poverty and dysfunction, then we can expect to see more poverty and dysfunction within larger society, as the financial and emotional stability a married household affords to children may be seen as the antidote to this.

Kids who grow up in two-parent families perform better socially, academically, and vocationally. This puts them at a major advantage when compared to children from unmarried households because social, academic, and career performance are three pivotal factors in living a successful, functional life.

This is sobering news, but it is not surprising. When it comes to the abundance of any given society, God has made it clear the backbone of that is supposed to be married men and women being fruitful and multiplying. When we deviate from this, we can expect any number of disastrous results.

It Helps Ensure Financial Stability

We previously talked about poverty, and this section continues the discussion. The writer of this article is by no means claiming marriage will solve all your money problems, and indeed, money troubles/disagreements are up there at the top of the list of reasons couples get divorced.

However, there is no denying the obvious financial benefit of joining two bank accounts together. Suddenly, the household has two incomes instead of one! The man and wife are both, if the marriage is healthy, working together to make investments for the future of the family, paying debts, and building a life together. This is no small thing, and it can effectively stave off poverty, from a small-scale perspective, in your family, and on a large-scale perspective, within society.

It Allows for Longstanding Love and Loyalty

If there is, as we see in Western culture, a dramatic decrease in marriage relationships, then we have some rather disturbing implications with which we must contend.

Think for a moment on the definition of biblical marriage. Marriage is a covenantal relationship made before God between one man and one woman to cleave together in a lifelong, exclusive relationship of love and loyalty. It is meant to symbolize Christ’s love and devotion to his bride the Church.

If culture is, by and large, steering clear of the institution of marriage, or at least viewing it as a non-necessity, then what it is really doing is rejecting the idea of lifelong commitment, love, and loyalty to one person.

This is reflective in how our culture currently treats the idea of relationships and love. Everything is very casual, not at all how God intended things to be. “Hookup culture” is dominant, with people searching more for a temporary good time than a life partner. Even romantic partners are less and less viewed with the intentions of permanent companionship; people become infatuated with one another, live together for a time, and then separate to find someone else. The idea of traversing the ups and downs of life with one person, supporting and loving them through thick and thin is not as prominent. After all, why stick with one person when there are so many options—so many sexual opportunities?

This diminishes the love and intimacy men and women experience with each other. When people view their relationships as temporary or expendable, then that is simply the natural result. People will have less happy and fulfilling relationships.

Moreover, people are not guaranteed as strong a support system as they grow older and inevitably experience the tragedies that come with life. If there is not one consistent loving partner with you to weather the storms, life becomes significantly more difficult. Does that role have to be filled by a spouse? No, but it is best filled by a spouse—someone who has pledged their fidelity to you and only you, who is closest to you and knows you better than anyone else.

What Now?

1. Appreciate the Marriage Structure

God doesn’t set things up the way he does for arbitrary or nonsensical reasons. He is intentional in his design, and we see this in his design for marriage. He knows the optimal setting in which to raise a child, to experience love, and to grow old with another person.

This is why, as you navigate life through a world whose view of relationships has become so cynical and consumeristic, we need to look past that fog and see the beauty of the biblical marriage structure. Its complimentary nature is a wonderful reflection of the differences between men and women and the ingenuity of our Creator.

Does appreciating the marriage structure mean everyone must get married? Not at all. In fact, God has called some to a life of singleness and celibacy, and that is just as valid a route to take as marriage. For most people, however, it is good to marry.

2. Pursue Biblical Marriage

Hold your horses for a moment. I am not advocating that you rush into the marriage with the first person who goes on three dates with you. That is foolishness. Marriage is a commitment, and it is a serious one.

What I am saying, though, is that if you choose to pursue a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, your end-goal should be marriage. That should be the reason you are searching for a partner. There is no point in dating or courtship if neither person plans to marry. Dating is a fun and joyous time, but it is also a vehicle to something far greater: a lifelong covenant of love with your spouse. If you do not agree with where the vehicle is taking you, then get off at the next stop.

Should you choose to pursue marriage, there is no need to feel embarrassed or strange about it. You are pursuing a good thing. Healthy, committed marriage relationships between men and women are the bedrock of a healthy society. Keep prayerfully searching for who God has in store for you, but never let that distract you from serving your King!

There is an old story about Ole the farmer. When Ole quit farming and moved, he discovered he was the only Lutheran in his new town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing beef every Friday. They were not allowed to eat red meat on Fridays, but the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Beside themselves, they got together and confronted Ole. “Ole,” they said, “since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there’s not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic.” Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. The big day came, and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole’s head and said, “Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now,” he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole’s head, “you are a Catholic!” Both Ole and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening, the aroma of grilled beef still wafted from Ole’s yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this, and as they approached the fence they heard Ole saying something strangely familiar to the steak: “You were born a beef, you were raised a beef, and now” he said as he sprinkled salt over the meat, “you are a fish!”

In this article, we want to look at baptism.  What is the big deal, and why it is essential to advancing the mission of making disciples. Let’s do that by examining a story in the book of Acts regarding the Ethiopian Eunuch.  

Philip obeys the command to go.   

Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.”… The Spirit told Philip, Go to that chariot and stay near it.” Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. “Do you understand what you are reading?” Philip asked.  

Acts 8:26, 29-30

This is a strange direction for him to head…Like one of those towns you go through on your vacation destination where you’re driving down the road and the speed limit is 55mph and all of the sudden it changes to 25mph, and there’s 9 police cars hiding behind a sign… and you can just tell it would make their day to write you a ticket. This road would have been about a 60 mile trip. Even more, it was a traditional area of the Philistines.  They were the most hated people by the Jews. (Remember David and Goliath? Goliath was a Philistine.) This is an encouraging example that as the church matures, the Spirit presses them to go to areas where they are less comfortable.

Phillip encounters a far off gentile.   

So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch , an important official in charge of all the treasury of the Kandake (which means “queen of the Ethiopians”). This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship… 

Acts 8:27

There are a three things which make him unusual:

First, he is from the furthest borders of what people in Israel knew, Ethiopia. That is like Timbuktu. The Ethiopian Eunuch traveled about 1000 miles by chariot. Those from Ethiopia worshipped things like the sun, various animals, idols. But maybe this guy had the sense that there was more out there, there is someone larger than the sun and the animals, a God behind it all.    

Second, he is a powerful man.  He was the treasurer for a powerful nation.  This chariot was quite a ride.  He is chauffeured and he would have this entourage with him. 

Third, he is a eunuch.  If you were going to work in the palace with the queen, they wanted to make sure you didn’t get any bright ideas with the ladies of the court. So they took care of that.

According to Deuteronomy 23:1 he can’t even enter the Temple. He would have fit the profile of those worshiping at the Temple: pagan, powerful, eunuch. (The Temple bouncers kept him out.) Yet, just because he has had this bad experience, he still continues to seek.  (Purchases this           scroll with Isaiah, a book written 700 years previously.)     

…and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the Book of Isaiah the prophet. The Spirit told Philip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.”

Acts 8:28-29

Phillip proclaims the message of grace.

30 Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. “Do you understand what you are reading?” Philip asked. 31 “How can I,” he said, “unless someone explains it to me?” So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. 32 This is the passage of Scripture the eunuch was reading:

“He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
    and as a lamb before its shearer is silent,
    so he did not open his mouth.
33 In his humiliation he was deprived of justice. (Who has just been humiliated?) 
    Who can speak of his descendants?
    For his life was taken from the earth.” (Who has no descendants?)  

34 The eunuch asked Philip, “Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?” 35 Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus. 36 As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?”       

 38 And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. 

Acts 8:30-36, 38

Answers to Questions  

What is baptism?  Immersion

We read above, “They went down into the water…“  Baptism in the Greek, “baptizo,” was not a religious term.  It means simply to dunk or place thoroughly in water, like dunk tank. It was often expressed of a sunken ship. It means to put under.  Every case where a baptism is performed in the Bible it is done by immersion–the placing of the whole body in water. 

But the meaning is interwoven with the method. I do not feel I am righteous enough.  The whole point of baptism is your declaration that Christ alone is my righteousness. (I don’t trust my best 15 minutes to get me to heaven.)      

What is the big deal about baptism?  It begins discipleship. 

There are two mistakes made regarding baptism.  One mistake is to say that if you don’t get baptized you can’t go to heaven.  You don’t enter into a Father/child relationship with God. That is not true.  Two chapters later a guy named Cornelius comes to faith in Christ.  He receives the Holy Spirit and has a spiritual birth experience. After that he is baptized.

Then Peter said, “Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have.” So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days.

Acts 10:47-48

The other mistake is to say that since baptism does not save you, it is not really important.  Think about this. How did Jesus begin His ministry?  He was baptized.  He took a 60 mile trip by foot from his hometown to the desert of Judea. He did not do this because it was convenient, but because it was necessary to obedience.  What is the last thing He told His disciples to do?  Baptize in the name of Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:19) So Jesus emphasized it.  What he emphasized, we dare not minimize.  

Who are you to say God’s first command to you is not that important? If you won’t obey God in this one small step, why do you think you’ll obey God in the other areas of your life? That’s like telling your spouse on your wedding night you’re going to go out with some old friends to a club. Not the way to start your marriage. The way to start your walk with Jesus is not by postponing what he’s clearly told you to do.  

When Jesus healed He called for an external expression of faith. 

• “Stretch out your withered hand”

• “wash in the pool” 

• “take up your mat and walk”

• “go show yourself to the priest”  

Every impression that does not have an expression leads to depression.  If you find something humorous you laugh.  If you find something sorrowful you cry.  If you find something pleasant you smile.  An important process of our spiritual growth is that we have a proper external response to what God is doing inwardly through faith.

 When am I ready for baptism? When you have saving faith.  

I’ve often heard, baptism is something you can’t rush.  It is something you have to be ready for.  So, maybe you will be ready in a year, five years, or ten years.  What determines if you are ready?  If you are trusting Christ to take your soul into eternity, you are ready to trust Him to take your body in the baptistery waters.  Further, do we do take the same attitude or approach with communion? No. I never hear people who have come to faith in Christ say, “I am just not ready to start taking the communion elements.” I am glad we do not. Yet, too often we take that approach with baptism.  

What about children? The age of eight.

My practice has been not to baptize a child until the age of eight. To be baptized you do not have to fully comprehend baptism, but you have to sufficiently comprehend it.  However, I have made exceptions as I rely on the judgement of the parent.  

You say, “I was baptized as a baby.” Great!  But baptism is presented in the Bible as your own profession of faith. When you were baptized as a baby, that was a statement of your parents’ faith and thank God for that. But now it is time to ratify their decision and declare your own faith in Jesus.  There is no dishonor.  It is making your faith your own.